Being Alone

Most of us sometimes need a peace of mind. That's why sometimes I'd rather stay alone than to stay in a bothersome and a noisy environment. When I was a kid I used to be alone because my parents are not always on our house. They always go to our rice field to do a lot of work which is far from our home. My brothers and sisters are also studying from distant colleges. I was still in high school that time so they just left me some can goods and noodles for me to consume for several days.

Since I am also the youngest and I only learn few household chores because my elder sisters and brothers do it for me. But during that time, I learned how to do it like rice cooking, frying and many more except for ironing clothes. That was the most difficult household chore for me. Good thing that every morning my cousin drops by our house to help me ironing my clothes. She’s really a big help for me.

It was a lonely days for me because it feels like you’re the only person in the world. I went home alone; I eat and sleep all by myself. But I like it because no one bothered me while I’m sleeping, nobody tells me what’s wrong and right, nobody yells at me, nobody will interfere anything  I do. I discover things on my own and I enjoy it. I learned in my own mistakes.

But there are times that we need a companion, especially when we are displeasant and cheerless. It’s good to have somebody to talk to because it feels more relieving. Sharing your feelings to others feel's better rather than keeping it on your own.

But there are persons who keep on hiding their feeling rather than sharing it with others. Like me, I often keep my inner emotions especially when it’s all about loneliness, love and anger. I prefer to share happiness than that but I’m not sure if its good, cause I feel it’s not, but I'm not also sure on how they will react if I will share it. I'm afraid to lose them and I don’t wanna hurt anyone as well.

When I am angry I often smile at them and show them that I’m not affected although it hurts inside. I often say "It's Ok" though it’s not,” I’m alright" though I’m not, "that's nothing" though it means something to me. I'll just let the time heal the wounds for me to move on.

Although I always find a way to laugh there are still some period that I’m lonely. Sometimes I feel that I’m waiting or seeking for something or someone. I don’t know I’m confused. There are times that I want to go alone and try to figure things out.

I’m not sure but I guess this is not love; I never love before but I’m sure I know it when I know it. It’s not the feeling of being in love.  I want to figure out what is this. Maybe only time can tell.